Top Ten Things “To” Give Your Pastor for Pastor Appreciation Month

Breakthrough!

I was blown away by the response to Top Ten What “To Not” Give Your Pastor for Pastor Appreciation Month, that I did extensive research (just kidding) and came up with the following Top Ten Things “To” Give Your Pastor For Pastor Appreciation Month (better known as the month created by Christian bookstores).

Enjoy…

10.  Cash

9.  Amazon Gift Cards – I’m talking about the website, not the South American river, although that would be pretty cool too.

8.  An applause sound effect button installed in the floor near where he’s preaching.  Sometimes, the congregation needs a little help understanding when to applaud during a sermon.  (Warning!!!  Make sure there’s an sensor that turns the sound effects to standby mode during funerals and denominational meetings.)

7.  Restaurant Gift Cards – It doesn’t matter where.  (Although you should probably avoid all restaurants in the vein of Hooters)

6.  A t-shirt with the words Instant Pastor, Just Add Coffee on the front.

5.  Nah, just give him the coffee instead.

4.  Real Time-Off – This means time-off from you too.  If you’re with him, he’s still working, no matter what he says.

3.  Cruise Gift Cards – The best way for a pastor to get real time off from his phone, internet, and generally craziness.  (Although some cruises sponsor their own craziness).

2.  Pew-Sized Whoopee Cushion – This was originally in my “What Not To Give Your Pastor” list, but I had so many pastors (and pastor’s spouses) tell me that they really would like to own this super flatulence noise creator that I decided to put it at #2 on this list, no pun intended.

1.  Cash

P.S.  Most pastors would rather you tithe faithfully than give them gifts.  🙂

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Top Ten Things Not To Give Your Pastor on Pastor Appreciation Month

frustrated

October is Pastor Appreciation Month.  But sometimes, pastors receive gifts that just don’t make sense.  In honor of Pastor Appreciation Month, here is the Top Ten List of Things Not To Give Your Pastor on Pastor Appreciation Month:

10.  The latest Miley Cyrus album

9.  A life-sized statue of the Abominable Snowman

8.  A gift card from Hooters

7.  A foul-mouthed parrot

6.  An electric nose-hair trimmer

5.  A pew-sized whoopee cushion

4.  A personalized urinal cake with a deacon’s picture emblazed upon it

3.  A membership to the Hair-Loss Club for Men

2.  A book titled How To Preach Better Sermons

1.  A ferret

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In A Garden

jesus-in-gethsemane

It all began in a garden.  It was there, in a garden, when man rejected God’s will and chose his own instead.  It was there, in the garden, when people realized they were naked and hid because of their shame.  God the Father was betrayed by His friend in a garden.  Evil attempted to win right there in a garden.  And from that point on, the world was never the same.

How ironic.

The end all began in a garden.  It was there, in a garden, that God’s Son rejected His own will and chose His Father’s instead.  He was there, in a garden, when He knew He would be stripped naked out in the open because of man’s shame.  God the Son was betrayed by His friend in a garden.  Evil attempted to win right there in a garden.  And from that point on, the world was never the same.

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Sticking Fingers Up The Frozen Yogurt Spout

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There’s a new frozen yogurt place in town.  It’s a self-serve operation where you have multiple flavors to choose from.  On a recent visit, I filled my cup with strawberry and blueberry yogurt and then topped it off with fresh strawberries and blueberries.  It was delicious.  I was just about to purchase another cup when a woman walked up to the first machine, stuck her finger up the nozzle so that it was covered in yogurt, licked her finger clean, and then repeated the process for each of the machines.  Needless to say, it put a bad taste in my mouth, even though she was just another customer.

Sometimes, other Christians put a bad taste in our mouths regarding the Lord.  When we finally turn our lives over to Him and experience His life changing salvation, we taste and see that He is good. (Psalm 34:8)  As we continue to grow in Him, we often find ourselves enjoying His presence when suddenly, we are completely distracted by someone, supposedly Christian, who is rude, selfish, condescending, hurtful, arrogant, and obnoxious.  However, we shouldn’t let them interfere with our understanding of the Lord.  He is holy.  He is righteous.  He is faithful.  He is loving.  He is awesome.  He is good.

 

 

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I Don’t Want to Gaze on the Beauty of the Lord

boy-in-church-RULING

 I was in elementary school when I first heard Psalm 27:4  –  I have asked one thing from the Lord; it is what I desire: to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, gazing on the beauty of the Lord and seeking Him in His temple.

I was intensely disappointed and confused.  I couldn’t comprehend that David, the Giant Slayer, wanted to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of his life.  To me, that meant going to church everyday.  Gazing on the beauty of the Lord meant I had to be quiet and still like when I was supposed to gaze upon a work of art in a museum.  It didn’t make sense to me.  I also failed to understand the whole Seeking Him in His temple thing.  How I was supposed to find anyone if I had to sit still in church?  I was well acquainted with the rules of Hide and Seek, but I’d never played it with God.  My teachers had taught me that God was everywhere all the time which meant it would be really hard for Him to hide which would end the game really fast.  All of this added up to mean one thing:  I had no desire to gaze on the beauty of the Lord.  I certainly didn’t want to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.

However, after coming to know Jesus, I understand what it means to experience His presence in worship, both privately and corporately.  My elementary school self would probably be surprised to hear that I long for these times.  Worship is not just me sitting passively listening to other people talk and sing about a distant God.  It’s an opportunity for me to encounter the living Creator of everything who loves us so intensely that He died so we might spend eternity with Him forever and Him dwell within us even now.

I still don’t want to play hide and seek with God.  He’s everywhere and I have no desire to hide from Him.  I’d rather be with Him…gazing on His beauty, dwelling in His house all the days of my life.

Lord, I desire one thing: To spend all of my life seeking after You and experiencing Your presence.

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I have an acid problem

facial-recognition-frown

Hi, my name is John and I have an acid problem.  Well, a stomach acid problem, that is.  This, partnered by the fact that I don’t really seem to get heartburn, the acid has caused damage to my esophagus.

So, I’ve been researching the topic and have found a few causes of stomach acid:

  1. Smoking – I always knew it would get back to me.  I took a long drag on a cigar when I was in the 2nd grade.  We were using it to light fire crackers.
  2. Drinking – I know this is hard to believe, especially since I live in New Orleans, but I’ve only had one drink of alcohol in my life (and it was in church).  I was on a mission trip in Indonesia and didn’t suspect that the team would be serving real wine for communion.
  3. Caffeine and Carbonated Beverages – I never drink soda.  Just kidding.  That’s a big part of my problem.
  4. Consumption of too much spicy food – or in other words, eating any type of food that tastes good.  I don’t understand the problem.  I don’t always eat New Orleans style food.  Sometimes I eat Mexican, Spicy Chinese, or Italian.  Even when I don’t, there’s always Tony Chachere’s, Tabasco and Louisiana Hot Sauce, but I just use a little.
  5. Lack of drinking water – Water consumption has gone up and down in my life, but it’s certainly going up now.
  6. Stress – I’m in ministry.  Go figure.

Ok, so I’m doing better.  My diet’s changed for the past 3 ½ weeks or so and I’ve already lost about 10 lbs.  I’m eating Oatmeal every morning and drinking 7 gallons of water each day (Well, maybe it’s only 6 gallons).

More updates to come…

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Why I Choose To Be Thin-Skinned

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King David was a king, a warrior, and a man after God’s own heart.  He was also an artist, a musician and a writer.  Who else but a sensitive person with an artistic heart could have written so many heart felt psalms?  Who else but a talented artist could have played so skillfully that demons fled from Saul as he listened?  The church needs artists today.  We need people who cry when listening to beautiful pieces of music.  We need people who stop running so frantically and see the beauty, hurt, and awe around us.  We need people who pay more attention to God’s creation than business plans.  We need people who feel deeply and have the ability to communicate those feelings to everyone else.

Rory Noland, in The Heart of the Artist, writes that “Everyone with an artistic temperament has been told at some point in his or her life to develop a thicker skin.  That’s nonsense!  The world doesn’t need more thick-skinned people.  It needs more people who are sensitive and tender.”  I agree with Rory’s sentiment for the most part.  I suggest that artists, in the church at least, need to be thin-skinned people when experiencing beauty and hearing from God but who also have the ability to put on full-body armor when experiencing evaluation and criticism.

I am a firm believer that God determines what He wants someone to do by who He made them to be.  I also believe that everyday, as we grow closer to Him, experience life’s victories and defeats, learn new skills, and tolerate pain and resistance, that we are in a constant state of becoming.  So, the two questions are, “Who did God create you to be?” and “How has God being creating you recently?” 

Did He create you to be an artist of some kind?  Then keep reading.

The world pushes artists of all kinds down from the time they are young.  Think about it.  Adults ignore or laugh at children’s artwork when presented to them, kids taking artistic lessons are often downplayed by those in sports leagues, Jr. High students are merciless in their teasing of anyone trying to express themselves in any way, high school and college standards weed out those who simply want to create art for enjoyment, and then adulthood comes along and presents us with the immediate priorities of financial obligations, thank you very much.  I know, I know.  Life happens and people have to grow up and find real jobs in order to stay alive.  That’s true, but what fun is life is there isn’t some kind of beauty that we can experience along the way?  What good is the money we make if we are numb to art and beauty?

I want to encourage artists, especially those in the church, to not be afraid of your own sensitivity.  Feel what’s going on around you.  Experience it.  Live it.  Make it a part of you.  Then communicate it to the world around you in beautiful, unique ways.  Write, sing, sculpt, paint, draw, play, act, compose, speak, direct, form, whatever…

Just don’t stop.  If you do, it’s not just you who loses.  It’s all of us.  

 

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The Real Lies of Christians

liar

A.W. Tozer once wrote, Christians don’t tell lies, they just go to church and sing them.  He was right.  If we truly lived out everything that we sang in worship, our lives would be much different.  We would all be much more like Jesus.

I’ve often heard it said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  It’s a phrase that has been around for hundreds of years.  In 1708, Jeremy Collier and Andre Dacier wrote a biography of Marcus Aurelius where a similar phrase was used by the Roman emperor himself.  He said, You should consider that imitation is the most acceptable part of worship, and that the gods had much rather mankind should resemble, than flatter them.

Even though the emperor was mistaken as to the number of deities that actually exist, he was correct in the remainder of his statement.  Offering our praise to the Lord is very important, however, it is not just about us singing or speaking praise to God in the moment, but it involves us imitating Jesus.  In Ephesians 5, Paul stated Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children.  And walk in love, as the Messiah also loved us and gave Himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. We are to love others as He loved us.  So, let’s give the Lord our sincerest form of flattery.  Let’s imitate Him and walk in His love.

 

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I’m Lost

garmin-nuvi-1340-sat-nav-garmin-nuvi-1340-gps-

“I don’t believe this!” I cried.

I was lost.  I had less than an hour before my next appointment, which was at least a 40-minute drive away.  Acknowledging my condition, I pulled out my GPS and entered the address.  It informed me that my destination was only 14 minutes away.

“Yeah, right!” I said, but decided to follow the directions anyway.

Within a few seconds, the GPS directed me to turn down a side street and drive for a mile.

“There’s no way that I’m going to make this meeting.”

Soon, I found myself in a short line of cars driving up a small hill.  Then I heard the GPS say “Board Ferry.”

“Ferry?” I questioned.  “No, I’m not boarding a ferry.”

But it was too late.  I was in the line of traffic being directed onto a small ferry.  To my surprise, the ferry was still boarding.  Within minutes, we had crossed the river and I was a short 8-minute drive from my destination.

I initially wanted to break that GPS, but now I’m really pleased that I followed its directions.

I sometimes do the same thing with the Lord.  I’m all set for a long haul project, but then I hear Him saying, “It’s not going to take all of that.  Just follow Me.  I’ll lead you where you need to go.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 instructs us to Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths. (HCSB).

My GPS directed me in a good way across the ferry.  However, there have been times when the updates on the GPS have not been kept up and I find myself more lost than before.  Fortunately, the Lord never needs updating.  He is faithful and doesn’t lose power when you turn off your car engine.

He’s worth following.

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