Caffeine

I hate coffee. 

It may sound strange, but I just don’t care for the taste of acidic bitterness and anguish. 

Ironically, I do like the smell of coffee. When I catch a whiff, I relive childhood road trips when my parents would crack open their thermos and pour themselves a cup. The aroma filled the car and it smelled like we were getting closer to home.

My parents love coffee. Real coffee. Industrial strength coffee. Folgers. 

Not as many people drink regular coffee anymore. I guess it doesn’t cost enough. Or maybe it doesn’t take enough time to say “black coffee.” I guess they’d rather say something like, “I’ll take a Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot with foam whipped cream upside down double blended, one Sweet’N Low and One Nutrasweet and ice.*According to Google, that is the longest possible Starbucks order combination. I worked briefly at a cafe, but I never took an order like that.

People did tell me I made good lattes. I never tasted one so I couldn’t tell by taste. I just learned to make them pretty. That seemed to be what customers really wanted in the first place. I could understand that a lot more than wanting to drink something that tastes like coffee. 

I think in most cases, it’s not really the coffee taste people are after, it’s the caffeine.

I don’t drink coffee, but I get plenty of caffeine through Coca-Cola, tea, and chocolate. These three items actually make up their own food group known as happiness. 

However, some scientists, doctors, party poopers, and really smart people all got together and decided to make my life miserable. They say (too much) caffeine can lead to heart issues, gout, headaches, indigestion, allergies, and incontinence.

As much as I hate to say it, they may have a point. 

I may give it up all together.

*Image courtesy of Jennifer Bedoy and Unsplash

I have an acid problem

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Hi, my name is John and I have an acid problem.  Well, a stomach acid problem, that is.  This, partnered by the fact that I don’t really seem to get heartburn, the acid has caused damage to my esophagus.

So, I’ve been researching the topic and have found a few causes of stomach acid:

  1. Smoking – I always knew it would get back to me.  I took a long drag on a cigar when I was in the 2nd grade.  We were using it to light fire crackers.
  2. Drinking – I know this is hard to believe, especially since I live in New Orleans, but I’ve only had one drink of alcohol in my life (and it was in church).  I was on a mission trip in Indonesia and didn’t suspect that the team would be serving real wine for communion.
  3. Caffeine and Carbonated Beverages – I never drink soda.  Just kidding.  That’s a big part of my problem.
  4. Consumption of too much spicy food – or in other words, eating any type of food that tastes good.  I don’t understand the problem.  I don’t always eat New Orleans style food.  Sometimes I eat Mexican, Spicy Chinese, or Italian.  Even when I don’t, there’s always Tony Chachere’s, Tabasco and Louisiana Hot Sauce, but I just use a little.
  5. Lack of drinking water – Water consumption has gone up and down in my life, but it’s certainly going up now.
  6. Stress – I’m in ministry.  Go figure.

Ok, so I’m doing better.  My diet’s changed for the past 3 ½ weeks or so and I’ve already lost about 10 lbs.  I’m eating Oatmeal every morning and drinking 7 gallons of water each day (Well, maybe it’s only 6 gallons).

More updates to come…