A few days ago, I posted about 7 Things Husbands Should Never Say To Their Wives. To be fair, I thought it only fair to post the following 7 Things Wives Should Never Say To Their Husbands.
Nuff said…
I once attended a worship service where the worship leader finished the worship set, sat down on the floor beside the pulpit, flapped her arms and clucked like a chicken, then rolled off of the stage where she continued to cluck periodically while the pastor was preaching. Whenever she clucked extremely loud, the pastor would chuckle and say, “Don’t mind her. It doesn’t bother me. She’s just practicing her spiritual gift.”
Fortunately, her “spiritual gift” wore off just in time to lead the closing song.
Wow.
I believe that all of the spiritual gifts are valid for today (although I’ve never seen chicken clucking listed), but I do think that most people have a misunderstanding of spiritual gifts.
The Definition of a Spiritual Gift
A spiritual gift is a special ability, given by the Holy Spirit to every believer at conversion by the Holy Spirit, to share His love and strengthen the body of Christ.*
If you feel like you don’t understand spiritual gifts, you’re not alone. Apparently, there have been misunderstandings about spiritual gifts as long as there have been spiritual gifts. The Apostle Paul even wrote:
Now about the gifts of the Spirit,brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed. 1 Corinthians 12:1 NIV
Most people tend to think that God gives them spiritual gifts for their own benefit. God loves us, right? So, doesn’t it make sense that He would give us spiritual gifts to help us succeed in life? However, the Bible actually indicates that the opposite is true.
God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. 1 Peter 4:10 NLT
My pastor will often have every one read this scripture aloud with him, but will then insert the wrong words at the end, like this:
God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to “make a lot of money.”
God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to “make yourself look good in front of others.”
God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to “get ahead in life.”
People always laugh, but he makes a good point when he does this, especially when he has them read it one last time the correct way:
God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.
God wants us to use the gifts He has given us to serve one another, not ourselves.
Many years ago, a man walked up to me and vigorously pumped my arm. He said, “Bob Smith, Evangelist!” He then proceeded to tell me all about his ministry, but never once did he try to introduce me to Christ. What’s wrong with this picture?
God gives us spiritual gifts so that we may serve one another, not so that we could strut around like a peacock, showing off to the rest of the world.
*Definition found in S.H.A.P.E.: Finding and Fulfilling Your Unique Purpose for Life by Erik Rees
Over my 21 years of marriage, I’ve learned a lot about what husbands should NOT say to their wives. More importantly, I’ve learned a few of the whys behind those things. As a disclaimer, I didn’t make all of the mistakes below, only most of them.
Even though I had never heard of the movie or the book, a few months ago, I took my wife to see the movie adaptation of The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. A few weeks later, while on a mission trip in Haiti, I overheard a missionary tell a friend that she was completely fascinated by the book. Then, while at a Christian Writer’s Conference, The Hunger Games was praised by several of the guest lecturers as the ultimate example of contemporary quality fiction. Finally, after a pastor friend of mine shared with me about his extreme interest in the book, I was intrigued enough to read it for myself.
A Brief Summary of The Hunger Games
16-year-old Katniss lives with her mother and little sister in district twelve of Panem, the remains of futuristic North America. Years earlier, the twelve districts waged war on the wealthy Capitol and were soundly defeated. As a reminder of the follies of rebellion, each district is required to send two tributes, one boy and one girl, to participate in the Hunger Games, an annual televised event. Each year, the setting for this ultimate Survivor type show may change, but there is one constant: It is an all out fight to the death between all twenty-four tributes. When her sister Prim is selected by lottery, Katniss volunteers to go in her place.
The Violence Issue
Because of the violence within the book (and movie), one might think that Suzanne Collins is glorifying violence. In fact, the opposite is true. Throughout the story, she raises serious questions about our culture’s obsession with violence and death and what that obsession has done to the hearts and minds of our society.A popular movie (VHS Rental) when I was in high school was called Faces of Death. It was released in 1978 and guided viewers through explicit scenes depicting a variety of ways to die. Even though it was banned in some areas, it was successful enough to produce at least three sequels.
1,000 Ways to Die
It’s not all that different from Spike TV’s 1000 Ways To Die, a contemporary spoof show which shows people making stupid decisions which causes their ultimate demise. Here’s an excerpt from an online review of the show:
Amidst a number of shows which try so hard to be cerebral and generally expose themselves as fraudulent, 1000 Ways to Die is an odd breath of sincerity; sincerely stupid and ridiculous, but refreshing. Each show is a collection of ‘shorts’ wherein someone dies, usually in an unusual way. The acting is atrocious. The special effects are mediocre. The narration is often funny. And each scene concludes with a ‘title’ for that death, which is usually a pun. In my opinion, it’s the funniest bit of the show, and you’ll probably find yourself trying to guess what the death will be ‘called’ before it appears on screen.
What have we become? What sort of culture uses violence as a form of amusement? Although she uses violence to make her point against our obsession with violence (sort of like naked people boycotting pornography), Collins makes her point when all is said and done.
Click on the link below to watch a brief interview segment of Suzanne Collins discussing violence desensitization:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYlNiKoGM7o –
In the end, The Hunger Games should help us examine how we view violence and death. Is it simply entertainment to us? Have we lost touch with reality by watching Kenny die at the end of every episode of Southpark? I’m not sure. I suppose that one could argue the same about the Bible. It is filled with violence. But those of us who have a relationship with God know that God’s character is not one of violence. Psalm 11:5 states that The Lord examines both the righteous and the wicked. He hates those who love violence. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the Lord to hate me.
So, if you’re on the same journey as I in trying to make sense of our culture’s obsession with violence, pray for me and I’ll pray for you. Oh yes, and may the odds be forever in your favor.
Ok, just in case you don’t know this already, never, never, never, never, ever ask a woman if she is pregnant.
Basic rule to follow – If she brings it up, talk about it all you like. If she doesn’t bring it up, don’t mention it. Save her the embarrassment and yourself the possible black eye (should the moment be incredibly wrong).
I’ve heard it said that truth is stranger than fiction, but I was never certain as to whether or not I could really believe it. Truth and Fiction are so similar that it’s sometimes hard to distinguish between them. Many times, in either classification, people are simply telling stories.
Don’t get me wrong. I like stories. I always have. There’s something about the ebb and flow of the introduction of characters, the unfolding of the setting, the emergence of conflict, the buildup of relational tension, and the joy of resolution that grips me down deep.
Stories teach. Stories heal. Stories whisk us away to other lands and somehow through the mental break and moral lessons they provide, we emerge from them as better people. Stories impact our lives and change us.
When I was eight years old, a preacher came to my house and shared with me, once again, the greatest story ever told. Knowing that it was only a story, I repeated his prayer and two weeks later I was baptized on a Sunday night.
Suddenly, my story changed, at least in theory. For you see, to the world I was a Christian, living a life dedicated to my Lord Jesus and striving to be free and separated from sin. The truth however, is that even though I was a card-carrying member of a church, that I was living a lie. I was telling a story. I thought that the Bible stories that I heard at church and at home were simply stories, no different than the stories of Curious George, Spiderman, Santa Claus, and the Engine That Could. I loved all of these stories, but understood that honestly, they were simply moral lessons designed to teach me to be a good boy.
But then, as a teenager, a conflict arose within me. Suddenly, I was both protagonist and antagonist making major plot decisions in how my life’s story was going to play out. I realized that I was standing at a major crossroads. The decisions that I was about to make would not only determine the next chapter of my life, but it would be instrumental in defining my journey’s end.
Honestly, I thought about abandoning stories altogether. It didn’t matter if it was Truth or Fiction. Both seemed to be getting stranger by the day. A whirlwind of stress and confusion caused the tension within me to swell to the point of explosion, when I realized that I was wrestling with an unseen character.
This new character was dynamic and powerful yet peaceful and controlled. This character had the power to transform my story forever. This character was the Author Himself. He stepped into my story and helped me realize that it was His story all along.
That’s when I realized that the stories about Him that I had learned as a child weren’t stories at all. They were real!
He was real!
At that point, I joined His story as a willing participant, honored to be included as a character in His book forever.
I’ve heard it said that Truth is stranger than Fiction. I think I agree. But at least it’s real.
Now there are different gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different ministries, but the same Lord. And there are different activities, but the same God is active in everyone and everything. A manifestation of the Spirit is given to each person to produce what is beneficial. 1 Corinthians 12:4-7 HCSB
Several times a year, I facilitate a class designed to help people discover and understand their ministry within the local church. Without fail, someone approaches me after class and says, “I’m glad that I’m taking this class, but I just don’t feel like what I have to offer is really important. It’s not like I’m one of the pastors or the worship leader.”
Imagine that your body is the Body of Christ. You have two legs, two arms, two eyes, two ears, one stomach, two lungs, one heart, etc… What would happen if your liver decided to stop functioning because all of its work was done behind the scenes? It would stop its detoxification of your body and things would get bad really quick. What would happen if your ears suddenly decided to stop serving the body? The other parts of your body would have to overcompensate to make up for the loss. What if you lost your little toe? You would suddenly discover how much it helped you maintain your balance. Every part of the body is important and necessary.
I once heard musician/comedian Mark Lowry tell a story about surrendering to the call God was placing on his life. He went to his dad and told him that he wasn’t sure that he was hearing God correctly. Mark wondered if he should seek after a more traditional ministry position within a local church. His dad smiled and said, “Son, remember this, if God calls you to be a ditch digger, you would be taking a step down to be president.”
If you have a relationship with Jesus, then you are a necessary part of the body of Christ. Without you, the body of Christ can’t be complete. Without you, the church can’t fulfill the purposes that God has set before us.
He was there on the day you were born. He smiled at the sight of your mother holding you for the very the first time. He laughed with excitement when you took your first step. He held your hand on your first day of school. He went to every single one of your games, plays, and recitals. He soothed your brow when you were sick. He remembers your nervousness on your first date. He knows your every thought before you even think them. He understands your quirkiness. He loves you. He protects you everyday in ways that you never know anything about. He rejoices over you. He stills your anxieties with the quietness of His love. He will never leave you or forsake you. He delights in you so much that He shouts for joy!
The Lord your God is among you, a warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will bring you quietness with His love. He will delight in You with shouts of joy. Zephaniah 3:17 HCSB
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!
Psalm 139:13-18 NLT
I left the college talent show audition with my head down and walked across the crowded conference center. Not really wanting to see anyone I knew, I found a secluded patio and decided to lay low and nurse my wounds. I had never done well with rejection, especially when it involved my singing.
Trying to work through my feelings, I sat on one of the benches, leaned my head back, and closed my eyes. After a couple of minutes, I sighed heavily and opened my eyes. To my surprise, before me stood a short, white haired, senior adult woman.
“I’m sorry if I startled you,” she said with a British accent, “But I saw you sitting here and I just had to come and speak with you.”
“It’s ok,” I replied. “How can I help you?”
“Well,” she said, “I saw you and thought that I might be able to help you.”
“Me?” I asked. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
“Well, I felt like God wanted me to tell you something.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, “But do I know you from somewhere?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Ok. What is it?”
“You, young man, are unique and loved by God.”
“What?” I asked.
She smiled and repeated, “You are unique and loved by God. He has very special plans for you.”
“And God told you to tell me this?”
“Yes, He did.”
“Thank you very much.”
She smiled once again, turned slowly, and walked away. I tried to go back into my pity party, but realized that the words from that woman had encouraged me so that I could no longer feel sorry for myself.
That evening, while sitting with 1,500 other college students, I watched as that same lady was introduced as the main speaker for the evening. Slowly she walked to the front of the stage, looked slowly across the audience, and said, “I am here tonight to tell you something very important. You should never forget it. I believe that God wants me to share it with you. (pause) You are unique and loved by God.”
I have long since forgotten the name of the woman, but her words still remain with me. I think of them whenever I feel discouraged about who I am as a person. It’s true for me and it’s true for you as well.
You are unique and loved by God.
You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you. You’re so vain! – Carly Simon
What is it with vanity? Why do people (not you and I, of course) get so impressed with themselves? I looked back in time and discovered that people have always struggled with vanity.
In Greek mythology, Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection in a pool. Not realizing that it was merely an image, he refused to leave that spot. He later died in that same position.
In the Bible, Absalom, son of David, declared as the most handsome man in Israel, used to weigh his own hair which he only allowed to be cut once a year. (Incidentally, his hair weighed 5 lbs) Absalom was later killed by his enemies while hanging from a tree in which his hair had caught while he quickly fled.
In the 1600’s, Henry VIII was married six times and declared himself head of the church of England. He is most often remembered as being morbidly obese. Because of this, his health suffered in later years. I’m sure that his appearance also put a damper on 17th century speed dating.
In the early 19th centery, Napoleon Bonaparte stated: I am the successor, not of Louis XVI, but of Charlemagne. He spent the last years of his life exiled on British Island of St. Helena. He is reported to have died from stomach cancer, but many believe his actual cause of death was arsenic poisoning. No wonder that most of his depictions show him with his hand on his stomach.
From Narcissus to Absalom to Imelda Marcos, Wilt Chamberlain, Robert Tilton, and Kanye West, vanity has always caused lots of problems for lots of people.
Why is that?
Victor Hugo explained it best when he wrote, “Stupidity talks, vanity acts.”
Think about it – Stupidity causes people to talk too much about too many things without any proof or real knowledge of the subject they are discussing. Vanity causes them to go further than just talking. It is the dead certain belief that one’s own self is more beautiful, more entitled, and more deserving than others.
So, how does one overcome vanity. It’s not an easy characteristic to conquer. According to Robert Louis Stevenson, “Vanity dies hard; it some obstinate cases, it outlives the man.”
So what advice does the Bible give about vanity? Especially those blood-bought, spirit-filled followers of Jesus?
Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. Romans 12:3-5 NLT
Wow. Thinking about how we belong to each other really puts everything in perspective, doesn’t it? We aren’t gifted and blessed for our own benefit, but for the benefit of others. We must use whatever makes us special to help benefit the entire body of Christ.
So, it’s time for us all to get over it. We need to use what God has blessed us with to honor Him and to benefit the body of Christ.
JohnJFrady.com 