7 Things You Should Never Say To Your Wife

Over my 21 years of marriage, I’ve learned a lot about what husbands should NOT say to their wives.  More importantly, I’ve learned a few of the whys behind those things.  As a disclaimer, I didn’t make all of the mistakes below, only most of them.

  1. Are you going to wear Spanx with that?  Worry about your own muffin top and leave hers alone.
  2. There’s just more of you to love.  Never, ever, say anything that’s going to make her think that you think she is fat, even if she broaches the subject.  She wants you to think that she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.
  3. Don’t worry.  Your hair will grow back.  Instead of pointing out a bad haircut, find something that you like about her new doo.
  4. I like it better the way my mom makes it.  Never compare her cooking to your mom’s cooking, even if, well, never mind.
  5. Yes, Honey, I do think she’s pretty.  Even if she asks you, don’t tell her.  She is the only woman that she ever wants you to notice.
  6. Did you forget to shave your legs?  Unless she’s European, she will certainly find this insulting.  She wants you to love every part of her.
  7. I see you’re drinking 1%.  Is that because you think you’re fat?  Because you’re not.  You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.  (Napoleon Dynamite)  Ok, I couldn’t resist.  But seriously, never, ever use the word fat, even in jest, when speaking of your wife.

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