Tag: Fear

Turning Door Handle at Midnight

It was midnight. 

I normally would have been asleep, but my wife was on a work trip, 

and I was so engrossed in my projects that I had forgotten to go to bed.

Suddenly, I heard scratching at my window.

Then, the door handle began turning…on its own. 

I froze.

“Someone. Is. Trying. To. Come. Inside.”

I watched in silence. I didn’t talk. I didn’t move. I didn’t breathe.

The door handle turned again up and down.

“Hello, Fear.”

I heard mumbled cursing from outside.

“God, please let the deadbolt hold firm.

Then, the intruder began pounding on the door.

“Lord Jesus…”

“Who is it?” I asked.

After a moment, someone answered, “It’s me.”

“What do you want?”

“I want you to let me in,” he answered.

I paused for a moment, then replied, “No… go away.”

“LET ME IN!” he yelled as he pounded the door.

“Hello, Terrified.”

“I’m calling the police!” I cried. “Go away!”

I heard him step back. 

I looked through the peephole and was glad that I didn’t see a gun pointing at me. What I saw was two men, obviously intoxicated, checking the doors of my neighbors.

I called the police. When they finally arrived, they saw nothing and left. 

As if on cue, when the police leave, the bad guys return to my door, demanding to be let in, 

Once again, I called the police. 

Once again, the bad guys leave. 

Second verse, same as the first…the police arrive, search the bushes, shrug their shoulders, and tell me to keep my door locked and to not let anyone inside.

“Oh, ok,” I responded dumbly as if I was going to set out drinks and a charcuterie board for the bad guys.

Needless to say, I didn’t sleep at all that night. 

Instead, I sat on the sofa and watched the door handle…

All. Night. Long.

Fortunately, the drunk guys finally left and I was ok, but there’s a bigger issue for me.

Here I am, a holy, Spirit-filled man of God. I’ve surrendered my life to the Lord, dedicated my life to serving Him, I read God’s Word and following the guidance of the Holy Spirit – I allowed myself to fall prey to fear. 

With God on my side, I’ve faced challenges and frightening people time and again, from Post Soviet Central Asia to inner city New Orleans and every in between, and the Lord helped me through each one. 

And yet here I was, frozen in fear, losing sleep, watching the handle of the door.

I was like Elijah, who having just defeated hundreds of prophets of Baal, ran in fear because of the threats of Jezebel. In the midst of fear and self-pity, this is what Elijah experienced:

“And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire but in a still small voice.” 1 Kings 19:11-12 NKJV

Elijah found the Lord in the still, small voice.

God spoke to Elijah through a whisper.

He was able to do so because He was close.

When we are afraid, as I was that night, we should call on the Lord and then remember that He’s already there, right beside us. He will never leave us nor forsake us.

He loves us.

Even in the scary times.

Even when the bad guy is getting closer and the door handle is turning.

*Image courtesy of Henry and Company

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Intruder In My House

fear

I woke early this morning and decided to go for a walk. As I reached for my keys, I sensed something strange and suddenly realized I was not alone. 

Then I saw him. An intruder had entered my home.

He shook his long pointed finger in my face. Surprisingly, I recognized him. How could I possibly forget that face?

We first met when as a child a bully threatened to beat me up after school. Later, he sat beside me in college while I took my exams, causing me unfounded anxiety. He visited me as an adult, right before I made a bold career move.  Sometimes, he stops by and I don’t see him, but I see what he’s left behind: broken dreams, forsaken promises, hopelessness, and even despair.

He showed up again this morning in my home unannounced.

I looked him right in the eye and said, “Hello, Fear.”

He rolled his eyes and asked, “Just where do you think you are going?”

“For a walk.”

“You’re not going anywhere.”

“What?”

“I’m telling you right now, if you walk out that door, you’ll never come back alive.”

“What do you mean?”

“You step outside, you die. It’s as simple as that.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“It doesn’t matter if you believe me. I said it and that settles it. It’s going to happen.”

“You can’t frighten me.”

“I’ve been paralyzing people for thousands of years. You think you can avoid me?”

I looked down at the floor and held my keys tightly. For a moment, I thought I should just wait until tomorrow to walk.

“You know,” he said, “I’ve kept you in my power since you were a child. I made you lie to keep from getting in trouble. I’ve caused you to run from family and friends and opportunities and experiences. You have no choice but to do what I say.”

I paused. He had manipulated me in the past and even now I was frozen. 

He watched me suffer in silence.

“What did I tell you?” he said. “You’re my servant.”

“No,” I said faintly.

“Silly man, I have you under my control even now.”

“I’m not your slave,” I said in a stronger tone.

“You must serve me,” he said, “I will be like God to you.”

“No, you won’t,” I replied, suddenly defiant. “I already have a God and His grace is sufficient. He doesn’t give me a spirit of fear. He gives me a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind.”

Fear raised an eyebrow.

“You are weak” he said. “You will fail and come running back to me.”

“I may be weak,” I answered. “But He is strong and He loves me. The Bible tells me so. Get out of my house and stay away from me. I’m going for a walk. You can’t stay here and you’re not welcome to join me.”

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My Enemy at the Grocery

grocery checkout
Last night, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few items, so I neglected to use a shopping cart. As I often do, I selected more items than I had planned so my arms were full. I selected the checkout with the fewest people and took my place at the end of the line.
But then I saw him, in line right in front of me, arguing with the cashier, the one who had tried to enter my home once before when I was alone. He must have heard me shuffle my feet for he glanced back at me.
“Hello, Fear,” I mumbled.
Suddenly, my shoulders tightened, my pulse quickened, and my anxiety level rose to new highs. The most dreadful thoughts that plague my sleepless nights seemed personified in this one man before me. Instead of seeing him, however, I saw myself as an insignificant elderly man, completely alone, in pain, without hope or strength.
But then, my Lord, my Friend, reminded me that even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I do not have to fear evil, for He is with me. (Psalm 23:4)
 
He put His arm around me and said, I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear; I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:13) 
 
He then looked me right in the eye and said, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)
 
Suddenly, the man before me was just a man, arguing with cashier before me. Somehow, he seemed smaller than before, weaker than I remembered.
“Thank You, Lord,” I prayed silently.
“Now pray for Him,” said the Lord.
“What?” I asked. “You want me to pray for him?”
“Yes, I do,” said Jesus.
I sighed. I didn’t want to pray for him. I wanted him to fall into a giant human bug zapper.
“Pray for him,” the Lord repeated.
“Ok,” I said. “Let me think of what to say.”
“Just talk to me about him.”
“Ok,” I replied, slightly annoyed. “Lord, help this man. How’s that?”
“It’s a start,” He said. “Pray for him everyday this week and try to mean it a bit more each time you pray.”
“Ok,” I said. “I’ll try.”
“Try hard,” He replied.
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Intruder in My House

burglar

I woke early this morning and decided to go for a run.  As I dressed and reached for my keys, I felt something disturbing.  I realized that I was not alone.  Then I saw him.  He shook his long pointed finger directly in my face.  I instantly recognized him.

How could I possibly forget him?

I first met him as a child when a bully threatened to beat me up after school.  Later, he sat beside me in college while I took my exams, causing me unfounded anxiety.  And he visited me as an adult, right before I made a bold career move.  Sometimes, he stops by and I don’t see him, but I see what he’s left behind:  broken dreams, forsaken promises, hopelessness, and even despair.

He showed up again this morning in my home unannounced.

I looked him right in the eye and said, “Hello, Fear.”

He rolled his eyes and asked, “Just where do you think you are going?”

“Out for a run.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Why not?”

“Because if you walk out that door, you’ll never come back alive.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just what I said.  You walk out that door, you die.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“It doesn’t matter if you believe.  It’s going to happen.”

“You can’t frighten me.”

“Ha!  I’ve been paralyzing people for thousands of years.  You think you can avoid me?”

I looked down at the floor and held my keys tightly.  For a moment, I thought that maybe I should just wait until tomorrow to run.

“You know,” he said, “God would tell you the same thing.”

“What?” I asked.

“He would tell you exactly what I’m telling you.”

“No he wouldn’t,” I responded, suddenly defiant.  “He doesn’t give us a spirit of fear.  He gives us a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind.”

Fear raised an eyebrow.

“Are you certain?” he asked.

“More than anything,” I answered.  “You get out of my house.  I’m going for a run and you’re not welcome here.”

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