Ok, so I’ve officially become an old man.
If my graying hair and the mail I receive from AARP wondering why I haven’t taken advantage of their offer isn’t enough, I’m now adding fuel to the fire in my conversations.
So, I’m in Walmart and two young representatives from a tv and internet provider approach me. I don’t want to start anything so we’ll just call them GrAyT & T.
Our dialogue went something like what you’re about to read with only slight exaggeration:
Rep 1 – Hello, Sir.
Me – Hello, twelve year olds (Ok, so I didn’t really say how old I thought they were).
Rep 2 – May we ask which company currently provides your tv and internet service?
Me – Ok, sure. Cox. (I understand for some of you that automatically puts me in the old person category.
Rep 1 – That’s perfect.
Me – (Continues shopping) Great. See you later.
Rep 1 – Well, we actually were curious if you know how much your monthly payment is for these services.
Me – Yes, I do know.
(awkward pause)
Rep 2 – Would you mind telling us how much you pay?
Me – Yes, I would.
Rep 1 – Ok, well. Where do you live? I can look it up.
Me – (Heavy sigh) Fine. (I tell them my address. I’d write out my address here but I’m not prepared for all the fan mail I might receive. Just kidding).
Rep 2 – Sir, what would you say if I told you that our company can save you around 50% and can improve your service?
Me – I’d say that I’m upset because your company is about to dig up the front of my yard to put in their fancy smancy fiberoptics lines.
Rep 1 – Well, that is true, Sir. But the teams are repairing the damage by replanting the grass.
Me – I have Asian Jasmine growing in that section of my yard. Do you know how much work my wife and I had to do to get it growing right again after all the debris from Hurricane ida was stacked on it. And now you want me to go through all that again?
Rep 2 – But the service is so much better and cheaper. Wouldn’t you like to try it out?
Me – How can I try it? They haven’t even run the lines yet.
Rep 1 – Didn’t you just say you didn’t want them to run the lines?
Me – Yes, I did. If they can’t run the lines then I can’t try your service!
My Wife – (Interrupts) – Now, Honey, you need to leave these nice young people alone. You’re overexciting yourself. Goodbye, 12 years olds… (Ok, so she didn’t call them 12 year olds either).
I guess I am getting older. Who knows, maybe I should try that new grAy T & T service. To do so I’d have to cancel my front yard Asian Jasmine guarding stake out. I was going to build a bonfire and roast my food over all my AARP junk mail letters.
Maybe I’ll look into it after my nap…
*Image courtesy of Yerling Villalobos and Unsplash
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