So, I recently turned 55, the legal speed limit in many areas.
To celebrate, I decided to buy two new pairs of Levi’s, the jeans of my youth. However, my high school Levi’s were 501’s with the button fly. At my current age, that sounded dangerous somehow. So since I’m 55, I searched for Levi’s 550’s. Doing so seemed easier than researching the meanings of the jean numbers.
Buying “new” jeans at my age means a visit to my favorite thrift store which gives an even further discount to customers 55 and up (hence, my favorite). To my surprise, the first pair of jeans on the rack were Levi’s 550’s in my size. I know what you’re thinking. How could the jeans be “new” if I purchased them from a thrift store? I’m cheap, ok? Shut up.
However, there was only one pair of 550’s at the thrift store, so I went to a department store in search of a bargain. To protect the store’s identity, let’s call them J.C. Dollar’s.
Once inside, I headed straight for the 80% off racks. I knew exactly how to find them because I’m old. You might be familiar with the discount racks at J.C.’s – they give a “discounted” price on long sleeve flannel shirts and woolen coats to customers in southern Louisiana in June. However, I also found a pair of Levi’s 550’s on the rack identical to my thrift store find. I say “Identical” meaning they were both blue.
After trying them on, I walked to the counter with my 80% off discounted jeans. The clerk scanned my jeans and said, “With tax, that will be $32.57.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said as if I should be apologizing. “But those were on the 80% off rack.”
“Yes,” she replied, “Those jeans were originally $85.”
“$85?!” I gasped. “That’s a lot for jeans!”
“Yes, Sir,” she smirked as if I had just offered to pay with S & H green stamps. “Jeans have gone up in price, uh, recently.”
“Wait a minute,” I said. “If these jeans are 80% off of $85, wouldn’t they be $17 before tax?”
“Sir,” she replied with a look that said shut up and pay, “Those jeans were on the wrong rack. They are discounted but not a full 80%. Now, there’s a line, so tell me, do you still want them?”
“Yes,” I answered in the voice of someone who has a stack of AARP invitation letters next to his chair, “But it’s entirely unheard of!”
Anyway, I’m headed back to the thrift store next week. Here’s to being 55 and up.
*Photo courtesy of Ashkan Forouzani
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